Die Young & Save yourself.

So I've started a new account. again. But the catch is I'm not telling you where/what it is, there's this thing in life called scavenger hunts and I love them. Everytime something changes in my life I start a new blog. Its just what I do, a way to start fresh. I'm still keeping this account though because I love some of the things on here that I wouldn't get on my other blog. See you soon Love.

XOX Jess

I'm getting so bent out of shape on this when I truly don't need to be. Everyone on OCK is freaking about this CFOB stuff the thing is, I've been coming up with theories too. I post them nobody says a thing because they seem so off the wall then three pages later they start obsessing over it after someone else said the identical thing. W.T.F. You'd figure if you're trying to figure something out you'd look at all available aspects but they keep blocking out what they don't want to believe until they're ready for it. I'm just whining right now oh well go to hell.

"This is so sad, yet touching.

Reece Fleming was diagnosed with leukaemia back in 2004 when he was just 4 years old.

He battled the disease for years until this May, when doctors gave the 8 year old boy only a few weeks to live.

The family decided to try and help him achieve most of his goals before he would pass. And one of those was to marry his school sweetheart, Elleanor Purgslove.

Reece's mother said "When we found out that we only had a few weeks with him we tried to do absolutely everything with him that we could. Him and Ellie had been 'special friends' for a couple of years but then they broke up. We said we'd have a pirate party, and Ellie came. She went to visit Reece a few times in hospital as well."

Then during a recent laser tag party, Reece "proposed" to his little friend.

After she accepted, their parents arranged a pretend wedding at Reece's home (not the kids pictured above).

The families went out to dinner in the mayor's limousine and organized the wedding with rings and even a fictional certificate.

The kids got married on July 4th. And Reece told his mom, "I can go now," after his wedding wish had been fulfilled.

His mom added, "He was so proud of her, and we were proud of them both."

The following day after the wedding, Reece died at home with his family.

Soooooo sad!

During the funeral, the mourners followed a horse-draw hearse on foot.

His mom added, "Even on the Saturday that he died, he got out of bed and walked to the sofa. He always tried walking, right to the end, so we thought if he walked for us then we would walk for him."

What an amazing little boy."

Taken from Perez Hilton.

I'm so sick of hearing people either A) preach about things they don't know anything about or B) preach about things that are completely hypocritical. People assume that I know nothing and pull things out of my ass just for the sake of arguing and that's not true. Unlike you, when something changes I take the time to research it. Unlike you I do my homework so I know what the hell is going on in case there is a problem. But oh no, I'm just some stupid kid without a degree so of course what I say must be bullshit. That guy I argued with on youtube, I honestly could care less about what we're arguing about. I care more about the fact that he thinks "yanks" are these stupid imbeciles who can't make it into a British school and that since he's getting a British degree he's automatically smarter than me. I've gotten letters for exchange programs in British Universities and I haven't even graduated high school yet let alone College. He claims to be so smart and so articulate but he can't even spell what he's speaking on, he can't formulate an example that will support his claim yet we're an idiotic country who doesn't deserve to be on this planet. That is one of the stupidest claims I've heard in my life. Just because you're from a particular country does not mean you're better or worse than someone else. We're all human beings, we all inhale oxygen and exhale carbon dioxide. Everything about us is the same from the most simple things we learn to the most complex. Even people who speak different languages are similar. We're all homo sapiens. If multiple animal species can get along, why can't we? We're not even different species, just different ethnically.

s=seanmcgrann
me= well its kinda obvious don't you think? (swimfan625)



S: they never did have true hip hop roots - signing to fueled by ramen is like signing to whites cant jump are us. its just not hip hop

me: why the hell does it matter who they're signed to as long as their music is getting out and they're signed? if someone came up to you with a record deal I highly doubt you wouldn't start jumping for joy/piss yourself even if it is "like signing to white cant jump are us"

s: it matters ALOT about what label they sign to, the label decides what songs get onto the album, what singles are released, what producer is afforded to etc. so yes their sound can change ALOT depending on the label. and no i wouldnt sign to any label. thats like someone saying hey wanna buy my house and u saying WHERE IS THE CONTRACT, the band can lose alot of money if its the wrong label. it can ruin a band if its the wrong label. so highly doubting is abit silly dont you think?

me: Actually it doesn't because the label doesn't control the music that much. They control what music gets onto the record but its the band's job to record the album and the label would not have hired them if they didn't think the sound they had was something that could get sold. If you're too stupid to realize that not everything is controlled by someone in a corporate office that's not my problem and your comparison about buying a house DOES NOT APPLY TO YOUR ARGUMENT. Go back to school Hon.

S: you are all* learn punctuation before you call someone else stupid.

me: Aww can't come up with a better argument? That's sad.
S: so here it is

im in university completing a degree, a british one, so pleeeeasse keep your smartarse comments to yourself, i could run rings around you if i wanted.

the label has tons of control, because the band makes no money from records anymore, they make it from touring, the label owns the album they make, they put in the money so they own it, read up the feud between glassjaw and roadrunner and hawthorne and victory which will prove my point.

so no, im not stupid, i know alot about this. i laughed at how you said its not controlled by corporate offices, YES IT IS! THATS EXACTLY HOW IT IS DONE, its a fucking business, its to make money, bands dont sell tapes out the back of cars anymore, they dont have any freedom

lets be honest, ur an idiot

me: Just because you're somewhere completing a british degree doesn't mean anything. I'm still in high school yet I've got admittance letters from British Universities and done an exchange program in France.

The label does not control what the band makes, if you think that there's no freedom in music anymore then you should get out of your little dorm room and actually go to a concert every once in a while. Bands do sell tapes out of the back of trucks. Bands do play demos in front of large audiences and PR people listen to see what the crowd likes. When you're signed to a contract you're allowed certain liberties and controlling the genre of your music is one of them. If not then most of the current rap stars would be out of the business for crossing genres every other day.

The whole business is to make money by producing things that the public likes. The public generally likes what the band plays because if a band's playing something that they're not into it's obviously going to suck. Thus why boy bands aren't around anymore.

Oh and if you're going to make comments about people's grammar a. listen to your own words and b. don't use internet slang it just makes you seem pigheaded and ignorant

S: i go to atleast 4 gigs a week

i work with sony

and i have alot of contacts at gigs

so your whole lets play demos and sell tapes out of the back of trucks just made me think what? do you live in like 1992 over there?


and i will use internet slang because guess what!!! infact i wont even say it

your wrong, i'm right

end

even if you reply i will ignore it, you make me laugh too much, the US is bullshit for schools, and i highly doubt a yank can get a place over here, considering what you just said is wrong, you cant be accepted to a british uni until august 20th when a level results come in, ner ner! moron

me: There's this thing in life it's called an EP. There's another thing called a demo. People sell them out of the back of cars and on streets all the time. Sony isn't one of the greatest companies so that really doesn't improve your argument. Sony's known more for selling the equipment that things are played on and producing faulty security CDs. You're just a pompous jackass who's so braindead he's arguing with a girl who's barely 17. I don't care if you ignore it I'm having fun doing this, its a cure for insomnia. AND I WAS ACCEPTED LAST YEAR GENIUS SO NER NER BACK TO YOUR ASS

If you were actually twenty you wouldn't be going around with name-calling but I guess that just means you can't argue to save your life. To argue you actually need to make yourself look credible and if anyone can glance at a comment on youtube and notice that you're not then you have a lot of growing up to do.

p.s. it's YOU'RE not your, you corrected me on grammar and punctuation but guess what, yours is worse than mine and I actually have an excuse for it

Rule of Life: Don't talk about people behind their backs, especially when they're standing 15 feet away.

I flew to Philadelphia on July 5th, I landed at 10:30 P.M. I was supposed to stay until the 22nd but that's before shit hit the fan. She thinks she can control me, she thinks she's Ms. Perfect, she thinks nobody can touch her. I didnt even stay a total of 48 hours, I was gone by 5 AM on July 7th.

My grandmother sits me down and gives me college talks, bringing up all the local colleges. My aunt decides to tell me how bad self mutilation is and as soon as I leave the room they start talking about me. I sat down in the back with my laptop on and they sat in the kitchen. All of a sudden I hear "She told Jude she was supposed to be taking her blood sugar three times a day! Have you seen her do that because I damn sure havent!" Followed by, "I know and have you seen her stomach?" "Well you can't blame her, look at Ples'." At this point I went into the room and said "I weigh what I do due to genetics, its' rude to sit in a room and talk about people when they're taking medicine and doing everything they can to control things due to a hormonal imbalance."

After this my grandmother follows me out of the room yelling about how I'm the one being rude and need to learn not to eavesdrop because they were having a private conversation in a room without doors next to a stone wall that reciprocates whatever the hell they say.

That's when I cracked.

I told her I didnt even want to be there, that it was going through hell, she never asked me what I wanted to do, she never asked me where I wanted to go, she didnt even ask me if I wanted to come she just said "When are you coming?" I told her I always flew out to make her happy so she goes on this little rampage complete with stomping about how I'm an ungrateful brat who can say I love you on the phone but obviously can't in person and that she never wants to see me or have anything to do with me again. Keep in mind this is about five minutes after I tell her my aunt's husband sexually abused me when I was seven. She's got a goddamn PHD in children's psychology, you'd figure she'd learn how to address certain issues and talk to people. But oh no as soon as she doesn't get things going her way she decides to throw a hissy fit and make everyone else into the bad guy. So she calls everyone else in the family while i sit in the backroom crying. She calls my dad and tells him that I told her my doctors and therapist didn't want me to come and makes crocodile tears while asking if she's really that horrible. Instead of my dad standing up for me he tells her its all in my head and that it's nobody's fault but mine. Way to stand up for your "little girl" eh? Pretty much the only good thing was that he got me home but not until after they sat there and continued to verbally abuse me because they told me to leave then got pissed that I was leaivng. They blamed my outburst on having too much soda at dinner. I had a grand total of 16 oz. including ice. Wow big whoop eh?

I don't want to talk to her again, I don't care if she's who is supposed to send me to college. You don't tell me who I do and do not love because I don't use that term frivolously. You do not tell me that I'm an ungrateful brat after I've constantly said please and thank you, called you ma'am, never made you or anyone else go out of their way to do or get something specifically for me, and have never talked back to you until now. You have no right to tell me that you never want to see me again because I told you i'd been touched in a way no seven year old should ever be touched by someone you dislike and you know i dislike yet claim that nobody's mentioned these things to you. My father called you on the phone and specifically asked you to keep him away from me and then you called me in there to explain all this shit about how you won't tell him anything because you want to make sure he's still nice to his wife then lie and say you don't remember a goddamn thing when the conversation is on videotape. You do not blame me for him having an outburst because I didn't say hi to him at dinner, he doesnt' like me, I don't like him. He never said hi to me but no of course I get blamed for it because he's such a fucking angel.

I never want to deal with you again. i hope you rot in hell and I do not take that lightly. I've never said anything like that to anyone before so you know I must mean it. You're a horrific bitch who needs to reevaluate her life. I'll fucking do anything to never hear your voice again no matter how much you "love" me.

"THURSDAY, JUNE 26, 2008

i cant wait to get on the road again.
its funny how you can let one thing dictate your entire life.

the one thing i learned in the past few years is that its not worth it to let friends go or miss opportunities because you are scared to let go. its one of my great regrets. i have spent the last few months putting that all back together and it feels better than ever. dont waste your time. its really not worth it. i really want to take the time to apologize- i had a bit of a rough patch and it influenced how i treated my friends, family and fans- all because i was caught up in the idea of what one or two people wanted from me. its really made rethink the person i wanted to be. im truly past who i was. please dont revel in it. i feel more free now than i ever was then.

go see the moving "the fall". one of my favorite stories of the year so far.

Peroxide princess
Shine like shark teeth
when yr born ten years past your prime
I know its trivial
But You know I'm sorry when I get mercurial
"I don't care what u think as long its about me"
Its a sign
What if
You peaked early
Bombay gin do me in
Wait for tommorrow to kick in
Are the good times getting gone"




i'll post an actual post tomorrow..i really think he's second guessing the way his life has turned

Just on another note my friend and I are talking about the chances of their marriage and a lot of things have come up that show stuff's planned. I'm not saying either of them have ulterior motives but things just aren't matching up right. Ashlee was a major partier/drinker until she got pregnant. THere are videos where Jessica and their mother are saying they're worried for her because she would drink like hell, not sleep much, get the munchies and then freak that her weight was going up sos he goes in this binge to lose weight. When things started getting really heated with Pete is when she started slowing down on the alcohol which could be why her parents are so into him being good for her. Another thing is that he gave her the promise ring around the time she would've gotten pregnant and it's too much of a coincidence to have an engagement AND a pregnancy scandal the week your album drops which can hint that she/papa joe planned something and it'd be extremely easy if she was using birth control and that was their only contraceptive. There are so many things going on in their relationship that can tie into something being pre-planned and it's starting to look like Pete's getting worried because he's spending less time with her in public and when they are around it looks semi-forced. It almost seems like she really wanted something to get her higher fame and he feels tied because of the baby. Pete's at an age where he wants to settle down and have kids, she's still at an age where the most important thing in her life is herself and having fun. Things aren't matching up for it to be coincidence.

I wasn't put on this earth to use my brain for every other person out there, yet that seems to be all I'm goddamn doing. Melissa put me through this hell, everyone at Stone Lake put me through this hell, my fucking best friends are putting me through this hell and my goddamn family can't keep their fucking mouths shut. It's the goddamn week of my birthday, I listen to you people but give me some kind of vacation. My brain is meant for my use not yours.

I just hit our neighbor's car. I was doing a u-turn and thought I had enough room so i went through it and it nudged their car. It made the LOUDEST noise but not like a scratch or a bam or anything it just sounded like I pushed a great amount of weight and the weight shifted. I stayed in the car and looked to see if there was damage and there wasn't a scratch or dent or anything so I went to get Togo's. After I came back and inspected both cars, there's a hunk of plastic sitting in front of their car but it doesn't look like it was broken off and I can't remember if it was there before or not. There's a small black scratch on their white truck but it's just above the tread for where you get in the car so I doubt they'll notice. I really feel like I should tell them but they're Russian and I barely talk to them so i don't know if they'll get the point I make across. And my dad's strict as hell about his cars so I don't want to fuck something up especially when I haven't had my license for too long so he's already paranoid. I just wish I could go back and make sure it never happened but I just want to keep making excuses and validating it. I swore I had enough room to make the u-turn and if I couldn't have made a regular one I DEFINITELY couldn't have made a three point so that goes out the window and we're in a good neighborhood but people still vandalize cars if they're left in the street so for all I know I could have done nothing at all. There were a group of kids walking around the car before and after I did it so for all I know they could've done something. I'm such a fuck up.

There was once a girl named Betty Boop
Who lived life simply, without a clue.
She lived without passion
She lived without love
She lived to be one of those
Found up above.

She wanted things perfect
She wanted things grand
She wanted everything
To follow her master plan.

She lived minus drama
And strongly believed in karma
So those around her
Would have never guessed
That she'd be the one
With a knife through her breast.


Part 2:
There was once a girl
Who fell in love
She became so blind
He never left her mind.


She lost her insight
To everyday life
And was ripped to shreds
In the blink of an eye.



He told her he loved her.


He told her he'd marry her.


She wanted his children
He wanted her still.



She said she wanted to wait
He said he's be with her
She said she wanted to die
He said he'd never leave her.



One night he got drunk
And confessed his true feelings
It was all an act
To keep her in his path.



He only wanted sex
Not a relationship
He just wanted love
But didn't need to return it

He left her broken-hearted
On a wet rooftop
And threw a fit when the first tear dropped
She said she left for good
But was afraid of crawling back
So she fell for someone else
To fill the small crack.



He knew how to treat her
But was much too old
It seems she has a thing
For falling for Gold.



And now you see her
Sitting in a tub
Surrounded by red and cold, stale, water
You ask her what happened
She gives you a look
Then you look at the boy
And the life he took.


I'll probably post more later...who knows
-XOX Loeve.

I'm so sick of your stupid rules. There are twelve year olds with more goddamned freedom than me but you don't give a shit because you're trying to keep me "alive". You sit there and freak at me saying that I have an attitude when all i fucking did was ask what you were pointing at. You yell at me to clean something up that's been soaking in the sink for ten minutes because you automatically assumed it'd be there all day when you've had some stupid pan sitting in the sink with moldy food and water in it for over a week. Stop fucking yelling at me and take care of your own damn messes. I'm sick of you whining that youre constantly picking up after me when you don't even pick up after you own goddamned self, I have to. Stop pulling all the "do as I say and not as I do" shit and actually set a good example like you say you're doing half the time. I'm sick of you constantly controlling me the older I get. Most people get more freedom with age but no, I get more undeserved punishment.

If I ask you a question fucking answer it instead of telling me this that and the other and then yelling at me when I yell out what I'm trying to get across since you won't goddamn listen. If you don't want me to yell then don't fucking ignore what I'm saying and just stick to your plan. Don't you ever fucking touch me because I swear to God I'll call the police, I'm not going to let someone touch me just because they're pissed off and won't listen to anyone but their pigheaded self. What you do for me doesnt' cancel out the negatives it just makes you feel justified for being an ass.

It's more fun to smash someone else's stuff.

I'm sick of people telling me that I don't know something just because I'm younger. I took a freaking class on a subject that is pertaining to something that's going on in my life and you're trying to tell me that I'm wrong just because you're thirty some odd years older than me. Wisdom grows with age not intelligence. You can't tell me I'm wrong when I have physical proof (and multiple sources) to show that what I'm saying is right. Yes I know that I like to argue and yes I know that I'm not always right but you can't admit that since I'm the child I'm right about somethings. You've got to be in constant control of everything and that's not how it's going to work. As I get older I get even less freedom. All you want to do is keep me in this house and have me be little Miss perfect just because you're afraid of how other parents are going to look at you. You don't even give a shit about what you're doing because you're just worried about everyone thinking about you negatively. I'm sick and tired of your bull you tell me to get a job then tell me that I can't get one because my primary role is to be a student. I'm not a little girl and I can take care of myself. You let me do that more when I was younger and even told me that I needed to learn how to be "independent" and now that I am independent in every way other than financially you tell me that I need to go back to doing everything else you say. Go to Hell.

This will always break my heart.

Posted by Jumbilia
Subject: for peter
Time: 6:21 pm.
There are probably a million things i could say right now.
but for the sake of everyone.
I'm so sorry.

Ive always loved you.
And i always will.

Slow dances.
Eiffel Towers.
Ring Fingers.
Broken Promise.

Sweet Child of mine.
Of all the fruitless searches.

Bring it all back to day 1
"Can we start again?"....
"Go back to what it meant back then."


I just figuredi should let you know, because of the stated concern of my journal entries, that these are the only things that have ever mattered in my life.
I wrote you everyday for a year.
No matter what,
You are the 61', you are the monet, you are my sid, you are my jack, you are the warhol, and you are my home.

"I wish I were a Warhol Silk screen
Hanging on the wall
Or little Joe or maybe Lou
I’d love to be them all.
All New York city's broken hearts and secrets would be mine.
I’d put you on a movie reel and that would be just fine"

You dont have to be king of this world.....







remember me this way.
xo <3

I need my own time to take care of the things that I need to do. But I have no place to escape. I'm locked inside this house without freedom and people wonder why I don't get grounded. I've been on ebay way too much just because it's the only escape I get from things. I can't go anywhere until I get my license and I can't get money until I get my license. My dad's afraid for me to drive for his own reasons. He says he'll still let me get my license but I know he doesn't want me to. He wants me to be his little girl forever and I can't do that when he's forcing me to grow up too early. He tells me to be adult-like then treats me like a little kid. I just need a place to escape.

I just saw a commercial for a new show called High School Confidential. It made me think about everything that's going on. I get so irked by the smallest things yet I can't control it. I'm letting some egotistical, conceited girl with a stick up her ass eat away at my brain just because I don't feel like I'm capable of stopping it when I KNOW I can. Whenever I get down I dig myself deeper and deeper. I like staying in my little hole, it's what makes me me. It's like the abuse makes me feel alive...

Siblings affect whether you share things or don't. Whether you spend your time around your house bored or whether you're out doing things. Whether you know there's someone to rely on or not. Siblings can affect you almost as much as parents.